Why won’t they narrow??

He supposes that he’s been subject to worse than this inane debauchery. Though there is something about the unruly state of Guy’s nether-regions that is truly unsettling to him. Anything that hints at less than a perfect command of organisation and order tends to have this effect on him. After all, he is well acquainted with the results of sloppiness himself. In that instant, as he stands gazing contemplatively at the impudent globes being pressed against the conveniently sized window, Bruce is seized by a torrent of memories up to and including the dejected face of the goldfish he had forgotten to feed at age six.

Poor Mr. Waffles.

Batman’s eyes narrow.

[Batman: Odyssey #5]

RRRRRRRRRRR.

He’s beginning to realise just how therapeutic it is to emit these guttural noises. He won’t say that he’s enjoying them; at least not right this minute. But he has to admit that there is something about it.

Batman’s eyes nar- WHEERRRRRRRRRRREE ARE THEY???

[Batman Incorporated 6]

Okay, okay, he’ll tell you, but you have to promise not to laugh. Right now. Cross your heart? Alright. Listen.

He has this weird feeling that he’s being followed.

Wha- stop that. Stop it right now. You promised that you wouldn’t laugh.

Batman’s eyes narrow.

[Batman: Odyssey #5]

The clown’s face is too close for comfort. The clown is talking about clowns too. Bruce can’t help but feel that there is entirely too much time and energy being devoted to clowns in this car. It’s like… like a clown-phase reticulum, with every end and passageway of conversation being steeped in clown. He might even call this vehicle a clown car, but then they’d have to load it up with about twenty more clowns, just cram it full of clown-faced clowns, and then shove them out one at a time to the thunderous applause of a gathered clown audience.

The clown just insulted him.

Batman’s eyes narrow.

What is this nonsense? Who’s given the public permission to harangue him with intrusive calls?

Wait… this most likely means that someone has discovered his personal contact information, and that it is being distributed at this very moment. His identity is compromised. Nothing will ever be safe again.

Batman’s eyes narrow.

crystalkingdoms:

- Material from Batman #4

Those are a lot of words.

For the most part, Batman likes words. They are informational - veritable treasure troves of knowledge and guidance. Presently, however, they seem about as helpful as the sewage that he’s sloshing his way through. He’s tempted to read them, but their size is much too small. And clicking on the page to magnify it only brings him to a odd liminal state in which the screen’s background blacks out and the scan is presented to him in the centre: slightly enlarged, yet blurred beyond all belief. Just how much time do you think that he has to waste on such pointless endeavors?

Batman’s eyes narrow.

Owls. God. He is so damn sick of owls.

Yes, that is indeed an enormous likeness of Victor Fries looming ominously behind him, but he already knew of that, thank you very much, and can we please focus on the more important details right now.

Owls. My God.

Batman’s eyes narrow.

“I’m going to hit him really, really hard with a big green boxing glove,” Hal says contently. He seems almost disproportionately proud of the idea, considering his having performed the same action a thousand times before.

Batman ponders. Perhaps Jordan’s had a recent memory lapse?

Or maybe… maybe this is not Hal Jordan at all. Maybe this is an impostor!!

Batman’s eyes narrow.

[Justice League #2]

Superman’s cape is tattered. For some reason, this stands out to Bruce. Nevermind the glowing green chains snapping just millimeters from his face, or the upturned fist threatening to punch it. Neither of those things is the primary issue here. Superman’s cape is torn. Isn’t it supposed to be indestructible?

Or is he not supposed to know this yet?

Yes, that makes sense. Obviously, what with Clark ready to clock him one good, it’s probably safe to assume that they’re not yet friends. So he shouldn’t have called him Clark right then either. He guesses.

Anyways, the cape. Should he just chalk this one up to a time difference as well? Maybe Superman hasn’t yet acquired his indestructible cape. Maybe it’s been retconned out of existence completely and will never be mentioned nor heard of again. In fact, it’s best to stop thinking on it.  He’d probably rip the fabric of space-time somewhere just by pondering too hard.

Damn reboot. Oh, and he’s just about to get punched in the face.

Batman’s eyes narrow.